Rebellion

When Pilate asked the crowd whom they wanted to be released, Jesus or Barabas, they all shouted 'Away with this man (Jesus), and release unto us Barabbas'. Did they really know who this 'Barabbas' was... or were they just rebelling because they just didnt want Jesus released.

rebellion.
It's interesting what people go through to make a statement. Stage a protest, burn a flag, throw a bomb, fight in the streets, write a song, stage a concert, get signatures, mass emails, starve, lay naked in the street...

For me, for as far as i can remember i rebelled against the world by not eating a certain food. That food, though gave me nutrition, tastes good... became my enemy, became the most disgusting thing in my mouth. It's unexplanable. Beyond logic. But just yesterday, i realised it just was not a matter of choice for me. I did not just decide one day that it would become my number one enemy.

As a child, i did not have the emotional or language skills to protest. It has become so clear to me now, that i was trying to make a statement. A silent one. Not to get attention from the adults around me, but in my little mind, i have 'won' against those who are forcing me to do something against my will. But to this end, I have indeed lost. I have deprived myself.

Question is: I still find those foods unpalletable, has it become just a matter of habit? Or am I still protesting?

Some of you might think that everyone has something they don't enjoy eating.
To me, I have to make a fresh start, a new decision, a new re-wiring in my mind to stop this non-life-giving action. Not to force myself either, but to learn to enjoy. I know myself sufficiently to say that I can be very adventurous, scaling mountains, kayaking in the ocean, living and working in other countries. If i can be adventurous with the new things, i believe i can be adventurous with the old. To embrace this 'enemy' tenderly to my bosom, and say 'I loved you all this time, it wasn't your fault, it was just me'. It will take time to develop a new friendship with this food, but we will become good friends I'm quite sure.

Please pray for me.